Friday, September 5, 2014

RHOC Season 9 Reunion


Another season of The Real Housewives of Orange County comes to a close. This was one of the most drama packed seasons yet, and the cast is great; however, I feel the reunion was a little tamer than ones of past seasons. But with regards to the fashion choices, the ladies brought their A-games. Since today is Friday, I’m doing my reunion fashion critiques along with a season wrap-up. As usual, I will give my Best Dressed and Worst Dressed at the end. Let’s dive right in!

You can see a full slideshow of the reunion looks on bravotv.com or at this link:

Heather Dubrow
Photo courtesy of Bravo

I think Heather was looking great at the reunion. The only thing I might have thought twice about were the bangs, but in all honesty, they look better on her than they did on Tamra… Her dress is a sexy, short maroon number by Cushnie Et Ochs. I have no idea why Heather didn’t wear a lovely shade of plumeria; golden opportunity wasted… The best part of Heather’s reunion look has to be her shoes. They’re spiky and sparkly; I didn’t expect the dominatrix look from Heather, but I like it… I think the lighting in this picture is a bit unfortunate. Perhaps the lighting crew wanted to “take the Dubrows down”. To me, Heather’s breasts look two different sizes. If it’s not the lighting, perhaps Heather will be featured on Botched season 2.

Heather had a rough season this year, but I think she handled herself with class. We saw her break ground on a new home with a party overflowing with onion rings, leg spreading, and drama. Her family welcomed a new addition in the form of a puppy. And we found out “Ms. Know-It-All”, as she was so kindly dubbed, does not, in fact, know it all; she had to Google “Dutch oven” and “dirty Sanchez”. It takes a lot to make me blush, but hearing Heather Dubrow say those words did the trick… I also want to thank Heather for allowing me to learn a valuable lesson by her mistake… I will NEVER play Marry, F**k, Kill at a dinner party of couples. It may be fun in theory, but someone’s gonna get pissed off…

Lizzie Rovsek
Photo courtesy of Bravo

The former beauty queen and valedictorian is looking great in her dress by BCBG. For the most part the dress is soft and understated. But it definitely pushes her “Kentucky fried titties” to the front and center. The pale yellow color is great on her skin tone. I doubt many women could pull off that color. I’m a little upset Lizzie didn’t wear one of her swimsuits to the reunion. That would have been a real statement piece.

Lizzie started off the season a little slowly as she warmed up to the ladies, but she quickly showed us that she has no time for BS. She doesn’t pussyfoot around with lines like “Let’s cut to the chase…” and “…you didn’t want to come to my party.” I felt sorry for Lizzie all season. She and her husband, Christian, are trying to decide on when and if they will have another child, a decision that is hardly ever easy. Her dinner party at the beach house descended into a madness that not even shots of Fireball could save. And the only person to show up at her birthday party called her and her friend “Dumb and Dumber”. At least she got a trip to Bali out of it… I hope Lizzie comes back next season. She has it all, and I think she has a lot more to share with us.

Vicki Gunvalson
Photo courtesy of Bravo

The original housewife is looking radiant in her lacey Jovani dress. Like Lizzie, Vicki’s girls are giving us a “Woohoo!” moment. They look like they’re ready to “whoop it up” at Andale’s… Thank God she took off those gloves during the reunion while she was fighting with Tamra. They didn’t really match her dress.

Vicki, the queen of all the housewives, had her best season yet, in my opinion. She was in some of the drama, but she didn’t go overboard, and for once, she was the voice of reason. She didn’t try to throw her relationship with Brooks in anyone’s face or in front of the camera. Everything between them felt natural and organic. We learned a lot from Vicki this season. First of all, Vicki must now consider herself an honorary Asian since she now is a full-fledged practitioner of Feng Shui, and as she told us on the show, only Asians do Feng Shui. We also learned that “gay” is a look, and if you don’t have it, you can’t be gay. And lastly, Oklahoma is an “invisible state”. I guess that means the Pioneer Woman and I have superpowers. She lives in an invisible state, and I’ve driven through an invisible state where I saw a lot of invisible things. Should I put that on my resume?... The worst moment for Vicki was the final scene of the season finale. She had to say goodbye to her pregnant daughter and grandson. She has to let them go and live their own lives, but she can still be sad about it. I know Vicki has at least 9 more seasons in her. I can’t wait to see her back on my TV screen next year, but I’d better move on before she starts snoring…

Shannon Beador
Photo courtesy of Bravo

Shannon, another newbie housewife, is wearing a coral dress complete with a few fun ruffles by Emilio Pucci. The dress is a little plain, but Shannon looks beautiful. She went with a sort of messy-chic hairdo that made her look modern. I wonder if she used holistic hairspray… The black nail polish matches the black shoes with bows and studs. And the diamonds in her teeth match the diamonds around her neck. I’d better stop there before I’m accused of “speaking condescending”…

Shannon had a rough rookie season. She trusted the wrong person, *cough* *cough* Tamra, repeatedly; she was living in a strained marriage; and she couldn’t find her crème brûlée torch. I think this may be the first time that The Real Housewives franchise has actually saved a marriage. All of the conflict with the other women brought Shannon and her husband, David, closer. They turned a negative into a positive, and I highly respect them for that. Shannon’s a little kooky and high strung, which makes great and entertaining television. Now if only she could get the green men out of her head and have that colonic Tamra suggested, she’d be close to perfect.

Tamra Judge
Photo courtesy of Bravo

Tamra’s pink Barbie doll dress was designed by Elizabeth & James. Tamra looks great, as always, but I have to take away creativity points. I feel like we’ve seen her in this dress and/or this color too many times. She really needs to change it up. Her hair and her shoes are nothing special either. Maybe she let Astro put together her boring outfit. I say it’s a mediocre look for a crappy season for Tamra.

Like every other season, Tamra was in the middle of the drama and even stirred up more than her fair share. She usually gets away with it and comes out still loved by viewers on the other side. However, this year was different. She obviously had too much on her mind to scheme and manipulate skillfully. She got caught and called out for talking out of both sides of her mouth too many times. I’ll give her a little bit of sympathy for having to deal with custody issues and Simon, but it’s not enough to excuse her behavior. Tamra’s stuck in a cycle of alienating friends and marrying, excuse my frankness, assholes. Shannon may have been talking about Heather when she yelled, “You will all see the truth!” But she was obviously talking about the wrong person. We finally saw the truth with regards to Tamra, and I, for one, did not like what I saw. I also just want to point out that we saw Tamra cry may times this season, yet she never actually shed a tear. Perhaps she had her tear ducts removed during her last facelift so as not to ruin her make up if she ever cried. Or perhaps she’s truly 90 years old, and her body is no longer capable of producing moisture…anywhere…

Now who do I think were the best dressed and the worst dressed at the reunion? This was a hard choice because they all looked great. Drumroll…

Best Dressed goes to: Vicki Gunvalson
Worst Dressed goes to: Tamra Judge (for lack of creativity)

This was a great season of RHOC, perhaps the best one yet. The ladies brought the drama and the fun that we all crave. I’m looking forward to what the next season brings. But, for now, in the infamous words of Heather Dubrow, “We’re done. Please leave…”