Before I commence with our daily readings, I would like to
take the chance to wish a very happy birthday to one of my best friends,
someone who has always and will always be there for me, and someone I love
unconditionally because he is a part of my family, Christopher Mallett. You’re
older than dirt with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, but
you’re amazing and fabulous. Happy Birthday!!
The library is open…
Rihanna/Ryan
Gosling/Jessica Alba
I realize that the three names I have just listed are an odd
amalgamation (I wonder how many people will get a recent TV reference by my use
of that word.) of names. Calm down. They’re not having a threesome (like Vicki
Gunvalson allegedly did…OK, I’m done with the RHOC references…) or anything
like that. But the three of them are offenders of fashion law. I don’t care how
comfortable or stylish your pajamas are. You don’t wear them out of the house.
The exception for men is if you are Hugh Hefner, and the exception for women is
if you work for/live with Hugh Hefner. Otherwise, leave those clothes for
lounging in the house or your nocturnal activities.
I must admit, of the three pictured here, I would consider Rihanna’s
a jumpsuit, but just barely. So I guess I can give her a pass this time. Ryan
Gosling from the waist down looks amazing. I love his shoes. However, it looks
like he raided a grandfather’s closet for the top. Jessica Alba gets no mercy.
If her hair and makeup weren’t done, I’d swear she literally just rolled out of
bed. It’s not even sexy. It’s baggy and, frankly, ugly.
Lupita Nyong’o
Lupita is celebrating Halloween, Saint Patrick’s Day, and
National Fishing and Boating Week (Yes, it’s “reel”; I’m just as appalled as
you are.) all at the same time. She’s Josephine Baker trying to go fishing on
March 17th and she’s making sure no one can pinch her. If I were her
friend, I’d do more than pinch her for wearing this ridiculous bedazzled
literal fishnet. I’d love to know how she plans on sitting in this; if she
does, one of those rhinestones or fake emeralds will be twelve years a prisoner
in her butt.
****SPOILER ALERT****
Bianca Del Rio
In honor of this season’s winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, I’m
giving the last spot in today’s blog to Bianca Del Rio. This bitch can read and
throw shade like nobody else on this God forsaken planet, and I would love to
be able to read her…but I can’t… I loved her gown on last night’s reunion. She
posted last night that the floral part of the gown was hand painted by Jeff
Fender. I was shocked. That painting work is so beautiful and detailed; I would
never have guessed it wasn’t machine made. Congratulations to Bianca. As a
fellow south Louisiana native, I was rooting for her. I just have to say, while
Courtney Act has a great look, her dress looked like it was made of the
cellophane Bianca would wrap her gift baskets in (if she ever gave any…
heartless bitch…). Sorry, I had to get that out. Too much positivity starts to
melt my icy heart.
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