Fashion Reads 6/24

The library is open…

Olivia Wilde

http://www.eonline.com/shows/fashion_police/news/552317/olivia-wilde-s-brightly-colored-multi-patterned-look-gotta-have-it-or-make-it-stop

Poor Olivia Wilde must have caught one of those strange diseases from one of the patients from House. Surely she is now blind, right? That is the only acceptable excuse for why she would put these two prints together. If you read the article below the picture, you can see that E!’s writers say, “Yay,” to this look. I’m sorry. I can’t be the only one who thinks this would actually give you a headache if you stared at it too long. While the skirt is not exactly polka dots, it is very close. And we’ve all heard that you don’t mix stripes with polka dots; it’s worse when the two prints are not even in different color families, but they’re in different color species. Please tell me you wouldn’t wear this.

Claudia Levy & Kiernan Shipka

http://www.eonline.com/shows/fashion_police/news/551036/super-cute-fashion-face-off-claudia-levy-vs-kiernan-shipka-in-mary-katrantzou

Wait… Huh?... I’m sorry; you’ll have to speak up. I couldn’t hear you over these dresses… Now that I’ve closed the window with those pics, I can hear. Those dresses were a bit loud. I’ll admit that they’re kinda cute, but really in your face shouting, “Notice me!” But what should we expect from a girl whose character sleeps with her brother? Yeah, I’m talking about you, Kiernan… You weren’t just playing with flowers in that attic… Anyway, E! is trying to pit these two looks against each other. I can’t pick one as being better than the other. What do you think?

Kendall Jenner

http://www.eonline.com/shows/fashion_police/news/551460/kendall-jenner-s-hip-revealing-muchmusic-video-awards-style-gotta-have-it-or-make-it-stop

Let’s nominate Kris Jenner for mother of the year! She has truly shown she knows how to raise children… I know Kendall recently turned 18, and technically doesn’t have to listen to her mother anymore, but one would hope that Kris could have talked her out of wearing something this revealing. The slit in this dress is up to the waist! If we can tell that you are freshly waxed AND that you are not wearing any undergarment, then the dress is too revealing. I hope for everyone’s sake she is using some heavy-duty double stick tape around her pink parts. Any wind or fast movement could unleash something horrible. With that family’s history, I’d dare say every black man in the Western Hemisphere would be permanently entranced. That means Biden would be running the country… God help us!