Warning: The final
critique (Rita Ora) is a bit extreme and may be found offensive.
Lizzy Caplan
Janis Ian has come a long way since roaming the halls with
Ms. Lohan and dressing like a sexually confused teenager. I am typically not a
fan of either lace or jumpsuits, so when I heard that she was wearing a lace
jumpsuit, I was scared to click on the link. However, I was pleasantly
surprised. She looks absolutely beautiful. It’s not overly tight, but does show
off her figure. It’s not overly revealing, yet a tasteful amount of chest is
exposed. Her makeup and hair are sophisticated and understated, which makes the
look complete. I really can’t say anything negative other than I don’t like the
shoes. We can’t see much of the shoe, but from what I do see, I don’t think
they go with the overall look.
Lady Gaga
I understand Lady Gaga likes to take risks with her fashion,
and this is by no means the most outrageous thing she’s ever worn; however, she
seems to be taking extra risk with this look—the risk of death, or at the very
least falling à la Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars. Can she even see with that
oversized cotton ball on her head? Also, can someone tell me what this fabric
is? I’ve stared at it for what seems like hours (okay, that was an exercise in
hyperbole… maybe just 5 minutes), and I can’t figure it out. At some points I
thought it looked sharp and severely uncomfortable, but at other times it looks
plush and soft. I don’t get it. The only substance on Earth that I can think of
that can be both soft and sharp at the same time is tinsel. Maybe she’s going
green and repurposed all of the Christmas tinsel into an outfit.
Rita Ora
Who made this, and which illegal substance was he/she on? Spongebob’s
smiling face would not have been acceptable, much less his drunken stupefied
face where the mouth resembles a gloryhole. Also, since when is it acceptable
to wear a shress (shirt + dress = shress)? Especially, one that has an elastic
band around the bottom. This is a shirt that a 65 year old pedophile would
wear. I don’t think Rita fits that description… although I have no proof of
that assessment. Lastly, and this is nit-picky (but I wouldn’t be me if I
weren’t meticulous), why is she wearing her sleeves like that? She’s not a
prepubescent child either! Push up the sleeves or hem them! So let me boil my
critique down… Rita Ora is a wannabe prepubescent girl who stole the shirt of
her aged pedophile assailant during her escape.
I’m thinking of writing on politics from now on instead of
fashion… Thoughts?
APRIL FOOLS! I had you going there, didn’t I?
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